Planet Cataclysm

the human experience resulting in great loss and misfortune

Sunday, February 18, 2007

False Alarm!

So after days of panicking, I finally went out to learn if the witch lady from the beach had predicted the correct future when looking up my bagingo and got a pregnancy test. Turns out she was wrong. There are no baby girls in my near future. Which gets me thinking, whose bagingo was she looking up?

Thursday, February 15, 2007

How I Spoil Everything

Ok, so we're having a really good time and it's our last full day in paradise. What do I do? I passout from heat exhustion! That's right! I'm standing by a little stand on the beach and all of a sudden everything goes black. I find myself laying on a beach chair with my legs up in the air and some local lady telling me I'm pregnent with a little girl. How messed up is that? That story is weird but what makes it scary is that I was wearing a long skirt at the time and no underwear. Try coming out of a blackout and having your bagingo on display! Maybe that's how she knew I was pregnent!

P.S. I don't think I am, but if and when I find out you'll all know!

Tuesday, February 13, 2007


Where do I start?

The resort is beautiful. Even before we got here, flying over the calm blue ocean was enough to scare the depression right out of my body. When we got here, it was hot. And I do mean hot. The average temperature has been around 35.

The food is so delicious. I try and have the local food as often as I can. That mostly consists of fish and seafood. I have been pigging out so much I don't know if I'll be able to fit in the economy seat on the flight back. What a fantastic reason to ask for an upgrade.

So far we've spent most of our days laying in the sun reading books. We did go snorkeling the other day and saw sunken ships and coral reefs. I also saw flying fish and when I got back to the resort looked them up and found out that Barbados use to historically be known as "The Land of the Flying Fish" but now due to the harbour they opened up near Bridgetown (capital of Barbados) the pollution has driven them away from the area (there is your informative part of this entry).

We fly back Thursday but don't actually get to England until Friday. If this entry isn't making a lot of sense or the grammar and spelling is all over the place, its probably because I have just come out of the sun and may have a little sun stroke. LOL Who cares?? I have a tan!!!

I miss all of my Maidstone crew! I know I'm sad, here I am in the sun, in the company of very old and retired people and all I can think about are my pale and pasty, gorgeous friends back home. I do miss you all even though you're now cursing my name because I'm not there for half term and someone else has to pull all day shifts in Children's. I say HAHA to all of you!

Anyway, I can't wait to see you all. Hope we can all go out to lunch on Monday (as long as it's not my turn to pay)!

Sunday, January 14, 2007

Full Figured Women!

My hunt for bikinis has taken me to some really dodgy websites and shops. Finding swimwear for full figured women is impossible! Online, you will find websites like this one that have size 4 models modelling full figured swimwear. How the hell am I suppose to know what these bikinis look like on me?

Then of course there's actually going into the shops and trying them on. Now every women out there reading this will agree with me that trying out swimwear is the most horrible chore in the world! You actually go into the changing rooms with the same bikini but in three different sizes. None of them will fix right, naturally, and you end up going home more depressed than when you left, keeping in mind that when you left home you KNEW you were going bikini shopping and would come home empty handed!


Monday, January 08, 2007

New Year, New Me!

This winter hit me hard. As many of you know I suffer from SAD. I go from a cheery, bubbly person in the summer, to a miserable and very depressed person in the winter. The problem is that I get quite sick as well and this results in me not being able to workout. Well, not anymore!

You see, my husband has had a very stressful winter. Having had a project deadline recently, I hadn't seen much of him and when I did conversation was minimal. So to make it up to me he has decided to take me away on holiday. The only catch is that last time we went on holiday to a sunny destination, I promised him that I wouldn't wear a bikini on that holiday but would definitely wear one on the next one. Now for any of you that know me, this is not good. I have less than a month to get fit enough to into a bikini! For those of you that don't know me, just picture Dawn French in a bikini and you've pretty much got the idea!

I've begged and pleaded but a promise is a promise. So because I can't get out of it, I have started a three week super diet which involves a lot of exercise and becoming good friends with starvation! It probably won't work and you'll most likely end up watching the news one day and hear about a beached whale found at the Crystal Cove Resort in Barbados and be horrified that you recognize me when the cameraman finally gets the courage to zoom in. I apologize in advanced. Let's just hope they don't show it during dinner time.

Tuesday, January 02, 2007


So we are in the new year and so far I haven't left my bed. Unfortunately, it's not what you think. I held one amazing new years party where I spent the evening with friends and family. I had such a good time that it actually restored my faith in this time of the year. After drinking and eating way too much, I finally crashed around 5am and woke up in pain. Nope not a hang over, worse, I am sick yet again!

I hope this isn't an omen for this new year. One of my new years resolutions is to lose weight but I'm really getting tired of losing weight in this method! It's true that I can eat whatever I want but its the way it comes out again that's starting to bug me a bit.

I apologize to those readers out there that have accidentally come across my blog and find themselves reading about my illnesses. You had no idea what you were getting yourselves into and for that I'm very sorry. For those who know me and have read my other posts...well, you brought that onto yourselves didn't you?

Anyway, I hope to be back at work soon but it's not looking good. Especially since it has taken me nearly an hour to write this post between bathroom breaks and nodding off!

Happy New Year to everyone out there and I wish you all a NORMAL and BORING year. Trust me, excitement is overrated!

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Finally, Christmas is OVER!

So this is Christmas and what have I done? Nothing! I got a few cool presents but to me, Christmas will never be the same as it was when I was a kid. My family didn't have a lot of money so presents like bikes were not an everyday thing like they seem to be for kids these days. It was something to look forward to. The only thing was that I lived in Canada and getting a bike in the middle of winter wasn't all that much fun either! But still, there was that build up to Christmas that I just don't get anymore and very much miss if I'm honest.

This year we spent Christmas day at my in-laws. I forgot my book at home so I guess I inflicted the five hour wait for dinner with nothing to do on myself. Thanks to a very thoughtful friends' gift though, I wasn't all that bored. The gift was a Little Miss Somersault book and I ended up reading it over and over and over for most of the afternoon. By the time dinner came around I was slowly loosing the will to live!

All in all, Christmas this year was very much like every other Christmas I've had since I was fourteen. It's just no big deal. And I think that maturity comes with ages because I have finally learnt that life sucks and you just have to get on with it!