Act Now!

Ladies, listen up because I have the latest and most effective diet, guaranteed to having you drop those unwanted pounds in weeks! No, this isn't one of those Hollywood diets where they tell you to eat nothing but cabbage soup for a week. This diet goes one step further than that. You can lose up to five pounds within two weeks with a combination food poisoning and common cold program. That's right. It is possible!

Take me for example. Two weeks ago I couldn't keep anything down for three days due to food poisoning and this week I'm at home with a cold that has left me bed bound with no appetite. And I have lost a grand total of five pounds!! That's right, FIVE POUNDS. Now I bet you're thinking to yourselves that you can't be as luck as I am and get both food poisoning AND a cold within that time period but with my low low cost program I CAN guaranteed that not only will you get violently sick but you may also start suffering from other ailments resulting in further weight loss.

For only £45.99 I will send you a half cooked hamburger cooked under suspicious conditions and I will bring round a group of sick volunteers to expose you to any virus you want (you can choose a virus from our catalogue online that ranges from the common cold to bronchitis). Act now! Supplies are going fast!

What a 'Sick' Concert

The latest slang for 'cool' in Toronto is 'sick'. For example: if a nice car drives by, I might turn around and say 'Wow, what a cool car!' whereas my 16 year old brother would exclaim, 'Wow, that car is sick!'. Today I use the word sick in both meanings.

On Sunday, my hubby and I went to see a Bon Jovi concert. It was amazing or 'sick'. Nickleback was one of the warm-up acts, which made it even more worth while. Everything was going beautifully until the V.I.P. tent nearly burnt down due to the BBQ setting alight, then things started going pear shaped. The concert didn't start until 6pm which would have been ok if my hubby and I hadn't been there since 2pm and now had to sit out in the sun because our V.I.P. tent was taken away. Now I know what you're saying, good riddance to the wealthy and their prestigious first class comforts. Although I understand your jealousy, I must say that yes, I do like the comforts of having toilet paper handy when using the loo. I know its crazy but I've just gotten use to these kind of commodities.

Anyway, once the concert was on its way, everything was sick! The atmosphere, the music...everything but the food that is. You see, not having our own private BBQ anymore, my hubby and I had to stoop down to the degrading level of the other 65 000 people at the concert and buy our dinner from food vendors operating from open side vans. Now if you think that you just can't read on because rich bastards like myself shouldn't have the right to complain about what common folk go through everyday, you'll be very happy to know that as I write this entry, I am laying in bed suffering from what was thought to be acute food poisoning but turns out to just be good old ordinary food poisoning.

You see, unlike the other 65 000 people at the concert, I am not use to raw, germ infested 'meat'. Perhaps in future I may start buying the occasional hamburger from vendors on the high street to increase my tolerance. But as I pause now to use the bucket by my bedside and wipe my mouth on the towel laying next to it, I think that perhaps I’ll just stick to salads for the time being.

This Blog was Brought to you Today by the Letter 'B'

Neath has asked me to write out ten words beginning with the letter ’B’ and explain what they mean to me. I have complied because technically he is my ’boss’ and he scares me a little. Here are my ten words and considering the week I’ve had , it’s a surprise there weren’t any family unfriendly words on this list.


Bender - Yes, the lovable robot from Futurama that tells it how it is and doesn’t care what any ‘meat bag’ thinks. I hope that all the bending units of the future are just like him.

Baboon - A fantastic nickname for the moronic ignoramus that cuts you off on your drive home when you have the kids in the car. Also, in my opinion, the funniest looking monkey on earth. And people say God doesn’t have a sense of humour!

Buffy - For all those who know me, this show is a real thorn in my side. Most guys I have spoken to say the reason why they enjoyed the series was the way the script was written and how the characters were developed. Yeah, like the blonde in tight skimpy clothes has nothing to do with it.

Baileys - Ah, Baileys. Always there to listen, no matter what time of the day. Doesn’t judge me and is forever smooth on the way down. Here’s to us my friend.

Belly - It’s been there my whole life and no matter how hard I try it just won’t go away. So, at the ripe old age of 25, I have decided that it can stay. Besides, I’m almost certain its presence has something to do with my good old friend, Baileys.

Braces - I’m talking about the kind that go on your teeth. The same kind I had in my mouth for five years and still came out with teeth so pointed outwards they look as if they are leading me towards water.

Backwash - I say what doesn’t kill us only makes us stronger.

Bush (as in president George W.) - HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA *breathe* HAHAHAHAHAHA…

Balloon (as in hot air) - A bit of material attached to a basket, propelled by hot air and not to mention £150 a pop. Happy Birthday to me! Nice.

Baloney - Another one of those words with an interesting double meaning. On the one hand you have a disgusting attempt at lunchmeat and on the other hand, you have a fantastic word to use when telling someone that what they are saying is a load of sh*t.

So there you have it Neath. Now you know the sad goings-on in my head.